JLF: The Biggest Loser, JLF Re-mix (Feat. SHOULD Look) (Revisited)

By Johnny Lead Foot on April 14, 2008 7:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) |

Johnny Lead Foot, here, and I'm amused...

I originally wrote this on December 20, 2007, but, with tomorrow bring us the Biggest Loser Finale, I think it's time to revisit it. Original post:

There's something sacred about the fatties. (You just flinched, eh?) People get insulted if you comment on someone's chub-factor. I think it's because we are all sensitive about our weight. Who isn't? Shoot, you don't know how hard I work to look so good, and I still find myself insecure when I'm showering at the Turkish bath house. Still, society has these "sacred cows," but doesn't hesitate to ostracize smokers or ridicule people who see UFOs. It's a level playing field in planet JLF, so everyone's fair game and I'm going to be honest about the Biggest Loser fatties. If you're insulted by such commentary, stop reading now -- and miss the best blog posting ever. Of all time.

The season finale of The Biggest Loser was Tuesday night, and I'm calling for a re-adjustment of expectations. Some perspective? The finalists are in a house, isolated, for 4 months with nothing to do but workout with a trainer and not eat. After the house, they have 3 months to continue working out so they can win more than a few years' salary as incentive. It's amazing to see someone who's lost over 50% of their weight. Kudos to them, but, shouldn't that be the norm?

The biggest draw about the finale is to see the before and after photos. Sometimes they are amazing, like these:

Other times, though, you can't help but be disappointed with how people look, and it's most frustrating when they traipse about the stage like little nymphs, flopping their 200 pounds around like polar bears showing off their autumn, pre-hibernation chunk. I mean... you may have dropped 70, but, honestly, you still have another 80 to go to pull off THAT outfit.

So, the JLF remix includes the "SHOULD Look" figure. That's where the producers put together a computer image of what they expected the person to look like after 7 months. Before, After and SHOULD Look. Now, I'm terrible at the computer, so my SHOULD Look will be poorer-quality than NBC could produce, but it gives you an idea. So, (and this is an actual participant who lost 84 pounds.... or so they say) this is what I recommend.

That is a straight up approach to this "SHOULD Look." They can be more creative, though, and pick a celebrity they should look like:

(That's Jennifer Aniston on the right. That's a great SHOULD Look for anyone, man or woman.)

I guess I get frustrated at the entire show premise because there's a simple, simple recipe for losing weight:

[Eat less] + [workout more] = (lose weight)

Done. Why do these people need to be isolated in a house with personal trainers to realize that? It blows my capable mind. And you always hear two things from them during the show, "1. I didn't know how fat I was and 2. I don't know how I got that big." Well, the first is probably because every time someone pointed out you were heavy, there was a collective gasp in the room and you got pissed as all dickens. Sacred cows. The second is because you ATE. A lot. Of crap food.

I have to think beyond the competition and the money (which means you should, too. ALWAYS follow JLF's lead. I'm much smarter than you.). Those are two compelling reasons to lose weight, but what about the fact that YOU ARE KILLING YOURSELF? I mean, every one of those contestants should say, "Screw the money, I'm playing to live." So, even if you are booted week 1, you should staple yourself to a stair master. Heck, even if you don't make it to the show, you should staple yourself to a stair master! Who needs to weight 300 pounds? 400 pounds? My lordie! I mean, a newborn ELEPHANT weighs 250 lbs. If I was an alien looking in, any of those chubbers would just look like a delicious alien BBQ dinner that could feed a whole quamshuts of gaWHOPnieXs.

At this finale, the contestants all lost weight and were feeling good, but the truth is that, in some cases, they have a lot more to go and the SHOULD Look will give them the perspective they need. It's an effective way to say, "Congrats, but we expected more. It's really a very simple equation, and you didn't seem to grasp it." It's our responsibility to point this out! We don't want them waking up one day (metaphorically) and saying, "1. I though I'd lost more, 2. WOW, I really couldn't pull that outfit off in the finale."

Honesty will get me in a lot of trouble, I grant that, but it's all true and maybe, for a few people, it'll be taken to heart. Incidentally, the SHOULD Look would make the Biggest Loser the best show on TV. Chubbies are already so sensitive (I think contestants cry 85% of the time they were at that Biggest Loser Ranch), that to see them all bouncy and happy with their progress, then we get to throw the SHOULD Look up there? Jeeeeesus. You say mean, I say honest, we all say entertaining.

As a P.S., I've included a few more SHOULD Looks that are just plain silly, but I had fun making them on the computer.

Now, John tells me HAWTaction.com doesn't have that many readers, and that's appalling, 'cause I'm the best thing on the web. You have been entertained, so copy that link and email it to others. It's your duty in exchange for my awesomeness.

Always your pleasure.

- JLF

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